


i will not ask and neither should you

by Coeurire



Series: FSF Tarot Prompt Table Challenge [8]
Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: Character Study, F/F, First Kiss, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:35:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26408074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coeurire/pseuds/Coeurire
Summary: Cassie and Rachel take some time together between Animorphs adventures.
Relationships: Cassie/Rachel (Animorphs)
Series: FSF Tarot Prompt Table Challenge [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1795486
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11
Collections: femslashficlets: tarot prompt challenge





	i will not ask and neither should you

**Author's Note:**

> Written for femslashficlets' tarot prompt challenge.   
> Prompt: The Star - Time to pause and reflect, contemplate what's precious and what's not.

Rachel was asleep on my arm. 

There was no Animorphs business. Not a peep from the Yeerks since we damaged their Yeerk pool. For a glorious, glorious week, no strange activity, no mysterious disappearances, no worried message from Erek. No fighting, no turning into flies or spiders or ants. Just spending time together and catching up on our homework.

I knew Jake wanted to get ahead of them. I knew the last thing he wanted was to be having a boys’ night with Marco and Ax and Tobias while Rachel and I had a just-the-two-of-us sleepover the way we used to. But I also knew that  _ he  _ knew that we were all exhausted, sick of bleeding and crying and too-close calls and the taste of Hork-Bajir and Taxxon in our animal mouths. So he and the guys were drowning out the screaming in their heads with mindless video game violence or something, probably. And Rachel was asleep on my arm. 

I clicked off the rom-com we were watching and cuddled closer to her. How long had it been since we’d spent time together like this? In the past month alone, I’d seen her almost die more times than I’d just sat with her watching a movie. 

And I’d almost told her. 

All those times, I’d almost said something. I couldn’t bring myself to, not in the heat of battle, not tending her wounds, not watching that fiery gleam rip wildly through her eyes. 

But watching her asleep now, beauty-queen face, even breaths, I could almost forget that gleam, and the way it scared me. 

I held onto the moment for just a little longer, then gently pressed her shoulder. She stirred, yawned. 

“Hey, Xena,” I said softly. “It’s time for bed.” 

She leaned into me, nuzzling my arm with her head. “Five more minutes.” 

“The sooner you get up, the sooner you can sleep in an actual bed,” I pointed out. 

“Fine,” Rachel groaned. She sat up and looked at me, bleary-eyed, then cocked her head. 

“What are you looking at?” I teased.

“You’re so pretty,” she said simply. 

I felt my cheeks go hot, and before I could think of a reply, she continued.

“And you look like you’re about to cry.” 

When she said it I became aware of the catch in my throat and the light burning at the corner of my eyes. How had she read me better than I had read myself? And how long had I been feeling this way? 

“I don’t know why,” I admitted. 

Rachel looked strange for a moment, like she was weighing the costs and benefits of what she was about to say. Then she looked down. 

“I shouldn’t be telling you this,” she said, “but I cry too, you know. I know what you think of me. But I cry, Cassie.” She met my eyes again, and it was like she was looking right through me, right into my bones and lungs and everything. “I cry all the time. About stupid stuff but it isn’t really about stupid stuff. Like you. Like now.” 

I felt a pang of guilt somewhere towards the bottom of my stomach.  _ I know what you think of me. _ She was right. I knew exactly what she meant by that. I try not to really think of Rachel that way, she’s my best friend, but she can also be more than tough. Cold-blooded. Brutal. She’s one of the greatest weapons in the Animorphs’ arsenal. 

And right then, as salt water pooled in the corners of my eyes, I was wishing she wasn’t. 

I wished that she was just my best friend again. That I was crying because she was my best friend, and because she was perfect, and because she probably didn’t feel about me the way I felt about her. Not because she looked too beautiful and peaceful in her sleep to be the terrifying girl I had come to know. Not because of how hard we’d fought to earn that one moment of peace. 

I wished my crush on her felt like the biggest thing in the world to me, instead of stupid and tiny and insignificant.

“I’m sorry,” was all I could say. “I didn’t know.” 

“I don’t exactly like to bring it up. I’m supposed to be…” Rachel gesticulated. 

“Strong?” I suggested. 

“Strong.”

I couldn’t fix it. I couldn’t take the awful burden of her role from her. Instead, I just said, “You’re not ‘supposed to’ be anything right now. You can just be Rachel.”

I threw my arms around her before she could say anything else. She hugged me tightly, a little too tightly, enough to hurt my ribs. 

I didn’t care. 

I kissed her on the top of her head, again and again, until she tilted her face to mine. 

**Author's Note:**

> Twitter: coeurire  
> Tumblr: mothbutterfly   
> Discord: wrath month#2270   
> thanks for reading!


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